I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
