Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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