I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
