I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
