Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
