Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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