Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
