Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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