Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
