Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
