The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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