I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
