Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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