just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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