first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
