I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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