dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
