dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
