I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize