My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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