I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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