I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The struggles of a small town man whore
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
