A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
