So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
