I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
