I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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