Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
