tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
