My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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