if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
