We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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