Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
