Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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