Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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