What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize