Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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