she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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