The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
