Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your penis caused this!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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