i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
