His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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