Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
