im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
