i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
