how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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