My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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