idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
