I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize