gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
