I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
