She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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