My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
