You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
