Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My Higher Power is John Stamos
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
