aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
