I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think my mom watched the whole time
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
