It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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