so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
