I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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