We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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