im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
