i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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