I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
