Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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