Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
