Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
