If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So much Jack, so little girl.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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