I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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