dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
