escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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