Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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