Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
