walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
