College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
